Well we asked for a mad queen showdown but this was not what we meant. Or maybe it is what we meant and we’d like to take it back?
Either way, we feel uncomfortable after having watched Daenerys pull a Dracarys on all the innocent people in King’s Landing, even after the people surrendered. The bells were ringing, girl! You didn’t have to do that! Kill Cersei, sure. But why all the people?!
Dany’s firestorm inspired Grey Worm, who led his army in a ridiculous and unnecessary attack on the surrendered Lannister army and all the people around them, leaving good ol’ Jonny boy as the only sane soldier left, killing his own men to protect the innocents. (Because of course this one dude is the only good person left in this place.)
Meanwhile, the showdown we’ve all been fantasizing about—the many showdowns we’ve all been fantasizing about—will not be happening anymore, thanks to a goddamn building.
It all started because Dany had quickly discovered that Jon had betrayed her (by telling Sansa who told Tyrion who told Varys about Jon being the true heir), and she was beyond pissed. Varys was executed for treason, but of course he wasn’t the one she was really mad at.
“I love you,” Jon said. “I don’t wanna be king,” he said.
“Yeah sure OK,” Dany basically said.
Then, despite Tyrion’s best efforts to convince her to chill, she officially declared it time to attack King’s Landing regardless of the people inside and sent the Unsullied ahead, telling Grey Worm to wait for her outside and he’d know when it was time to strike. And it turned out we all knew, as Dany and Drogon destroyed the gates of King’s Landing and let the army just come right on in. Drogon then went around destroying all those giant crossbows, and then destroying everything, until the Lannister army surrendered and the bells started ringing.
That’s when Dany didn’t give two s–ts and started burning all the unnecessary things and people, even setting off some of that wildfire that was still waiting under the city. It was brutal, and yet everyone we loved and cared about still somehow survived all that.
Meanwhile, Jaime’s plan, whatever the hell it was, failed miserably and he got caught betraying Dany for Cersei. So he got himself locked up, and Tyrion helped him escape in the hopes that Jaime could inspire a surrender and get the bells rung, so Dany wouldn’t have to burn everyone down.
This did not go as planned, and Jaime ended up wandering around for a while before coming up against Euron. They fought each other for a while, stabbing each other a whole bunch of times, before Jaime finally got his sword all the way through Euron’s torso and stumbled away.
He even made it to Cersei, and they hugged and kissed in that gross way that they do, as she realized he was very hurt and as we were wondering if we were supposed to be feeling bad for Cersei? Or relieved for her? Because we don’t. Sorry not sorry!
They found their way down to the
While all this was happening, the Hound and Arya made their way through the city on their way to the Red Keep. Sandor advised Arya to turn back to stay alive, and strangely she did. While he went about fighting with his zombie bro (Cleganebowl, whatever), Arya walked and crawled through the destroyed city and dodged ash and debris and people and even made a new friend. (The friend died.)
The Cleganes ended up falling through a wall together into a whole bunch of fire, but Arya miraculously lived through a building falling on her, and then she found a white horse! So that’s nice for Arya and all the hell she’s been through.
So now here’s where we are: Cersei died in Jaime’s arms and not by the hand of any of the people who DESERVED to kill her. Arya’s got a horse. Daenerys might be the legit queen now but she has gone insane, and not in the way any of us hoped she would, and now Jon Snow/Aegon Targaryen has the perfect reason to kill her and become the most boring king alive. But at least he won’t burn anyone alive?
What cool fun times we are all having ahead of next week’s series finale!
Game of Thrones airs Sundays at 9 p.m. on HBO.