Like Frank Costanza, are you tired of the consumerism that has overtaken the December holiday season?
Set up your dullest aluminum pole Sunday and celebrate Festivus.
The holiday’s origins can be traced to a 1997 ninth-season episode of Seinfeld, where George Costanza’s father – while out to buy a popular doll for his then-young son – is involved in a fight.
“As I rained blows upon him, I realized there had to be another way,” Frank Costanza said.
And so, Festivus was born.
But to celebrate Festivus, you must first understand the fundamental components of the holiday:
Aluminum is best for its high strength-to-weight ratio. This pole takes the place of any elaborately decorated Christmas tree, or Hanukkah bush if you’re into that.
• The Airing of Grievances: “I’ve got a lot of problems with you people, and now you’re going to hear about it,” said Frank Costanza before dinner on Festivus.
Festivus is the day to tell your friends and family how they’ve disappointed you throughout the year. Let it all out.
This gives you a couple of days before Christmas dinner to make amends to the family that you still have to be around for the rest of the holidays.
• Feats of Strength: Festivus is not over until the head of household is pinned.
And the head of household can choose who he or she would like to go up against. The Feats of Strength begin after Festivus dinner.
So go out today, pin your father and tell your sons and daughters how they’ve disappointed you in so many ways this year. Keep the Festivus pole clean and hope for a Festivus miracle.